10 Things NOT to say on Valentine’s Day

Have you and your big mouth said the wrong thing on Valentine’s Day? If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably not just put your foot in it, but the other one too.

My brain enjoys being blind to all Valentine’s Day advertising right up to the 13th of February, when a panicked neuron suddenly fires to belatedly tell me that I’ve got less than 24 hours to prepare.

Do you get a card and flowers, just a card, a bigger present, chocolates, chocolates and flowers…. arghhh!

Some people call me a hopeless romantic. Most just call me hopeless.

But hey, my incompetence is good news for you, because it means I definitely know what you SHOULDN’T do.

So here goes. My advice to you is very clear. DON’T say any of these things on Valentine’s Day and I reckon you’ll be ok. Even if you do stuff up the Card, Choccies, Flowers, etc.

1. I got us a meal deal, but I’ve already eaten the profiteroles.

I’ll say no more. Just don’t even think about it. It’s REALLY not worth it.

2. Sorry, but the petrol station had run out of flowers.

A word to the wise, the absence of flowers isn’t the issue, the REAL error here is your choice of place to buy them from… I mean who would buy flowers from a Petrol Station!? Not you. Most definitely NOT YOU!

3. Who do you love more – me or the dog?

To save your feelings it really is best not to know. (Hint: It’s the dog)

4. I got this card in a ‘buy one get one free’ offer.

Stuff the spare one in a drawer QUICKLY, and remove all evidence of receipts.

5. I can’t wait to snuggle up on the sofa tonight…with the dog.

Apparently you have another 364 days a year to do this. Well, apart from maybe birthdays, or anniversaries. So is it actually 364, or 362? I’m still not sure. I’ll let you know in 364 (or 362) days.

6. If there was a zombie apocalypse, I’d kill you last.

In your head, this sounds a lot better than how it is interpreted. Trying to explain your logic will only make you hope a zombie eats you first.

7. I thought about getting you chocolates, but you don’t really need them.

ALWAYS buy the chocolates. Yes, they’re a standard ‘go to’ but, even if you haven’t exactly impressed your partner, they’re not going to turn them down.

8. It’s just the same as any other day, isn’t it?

I maaaay have said this in the past (after forgetting the day). If you say it, I hope you enjoy sleeping on the sofa more than I did.

9. You look great when you make an effort.

It turns out this is not as complimentary as I first thought it was. You learn something new everyday!

10. I’ve written you a 300 line poem…

Over promising – it’s a classic move in a moment of panic. Risk this and you can expect a VERY late finish the night before on the 14th, wait 13th – hold on.. wait, when is it again!?

Right, now you know what NOT to say on Valentine’s Day. It’s up to you to figure out what you SHOULD say.

……….??

What!? Don’t look at me, I’ve absolutely no idea!

Yours hopelessly,

Iain

Need a card for Valentine’s Day? Try these:

Remember, don’t say any of the things in the above post!!